Rainbows and Dragonflies

Sometimes It’s Lonely Being A Mom

Posted on: March 4, 2011

I’ve been kind of down lately. I can’t really pinpoint when it started but it hit me hard last night. I’m lonely. I don’t mean lonely where I don’t ever see my husband. Things are going great in that department. I mean I miss my friends.

Having a kid changes the dynamics of your friendships because for a period of time the baby is your main focus. You’re recovering from childbirth and learning about a new person who eats all of the time and sleeps sporadically. Maternity leave is SHORT (8 weeks in my case) and you go back to work sleep-deprived but have to resume your projects and still keep up with the family.

Eventually, the kid gets older, sleeps through the night, and becomes more independent. You get more rest and start finding a work-life “balance.” Your life starts returning to “normal” or a semblance of that. You’re ready to hang out again so you look around and no one’s there.

YOUR life was hold but not everyone else’s. They went on with what they were doing and you feel left behind. Or maybe they do ask you to hang out but it just doesn’t fit into your schedule and eventually they stop asking.

That’s where I am. By nature I’m an introvert and deal with a small group of people. I like being in myself and just thinking. But there are times like now where I’d like some “girl time” but I don’t think anyone’s interested. And when would I do it anyway? I could try and meet people for Happy Hour but by the time I leave work, battle traffic, pick up and drop off Li’l T at home and then head in to the city Happy Hour is over and I’m drained. Going out on Friday or Saturday night would be great except Li’l T wakes up at 6/6:30 am regardless of what time I go to bed. And since it’s usually he and I in the mornings I need to be rested. Is it even worth it?

I don’t know. Maybe I’m just having a pity party. There are people who are in REAL bad situations and I’m over here whining. I just wanted to be honest that being a mom isn’t always rainbows and unicorns.

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15 Responses to "Sometimes It’s Lonely Being A Mom"

I feel ya. I know basically no one here. Maybe you could see if anyone is interested in a panera or starbucks run on a Saturday morning? WE dont have either one (lol) but you probably do. Your hubby could watch the little one and you’d get a visit and maybe some shopping done.

I’ve been thinking about that. Going to see if I can meet one of my mom friends for lunch.

Aww1 I totally can relate. But a lot of times friends with kids around your age is helpful. Then you can have playdates…get a little grown up interaction without the guilt.

I hope you find a good fit in a friend that has your same responsibilities and can relate.

(((hugs)))

Thank you. Most of my friends either have older kids, or none at all. I’m working on it.

I can relate and I know how difficult it is right now. Start doing just small things for YOU! A new nail polish. A bright flowering plant for your bath or kitchen, some new bubblebath or salts. Take a break and take a walk….it dosen’t have to be anything expensive.

Do come and enter my Artful Offering!

xoxo
Karena
Art by Karena

Know that everyone feels this way sometime or another. I am on my fifth, yes fifth, child and even I feel this way sometimes. It’s okay to recognize these feelings. Then, do something about them. Give yourself a break – take a walk, go to the store for fun, walk the mall. Even if you are with your baby, you will meet new people.
One thing that helped me was a gym membership. I know you are probably already pressed for time, working and all, but some memberships have an add-on for child care. This saved my sanity. I would go almost daily, sometimes just to shower or chat with friends I made in the same situation. Find what works for you and your family and then go for it. Remember that other women sometimes feel the same way you are feeling so, get out there and make new friends! Celebrate that you are a mom and others will follow.
Good Luck!

We went outside for a while the weekend that I posted this and it did help my mood. Thank you for your thoughts.

Awww, yeah, I feel you. Even with my friends who are mommies, it’s hard to get back in the swing of things and resume your social life.

What’s a mommy to do?

Girl!!! We should be friends! I am so there! Man, you said exactly what I’ve been feeling. I was the first of my friends to get married and the first to have a baby. So I am the complete outcast sometimes. I feel ya! Truer words have never been spoken!

Thank you for stopping by. When I wrote this I really thought I was alone in these thoughts. Who knew that others were feeling the same way.

B is 12 and I feel the same way. Most of my friends, like you, have kids that are younger, or live waaay out, and I’m a homebody (I am! Really!), so large gatherings freak me out a bit. Maybe I’m agoraphobic? The important thing is to realize that you arent alone in feeling this way and to reach out to your other mom friends. And yes, an early Saturday am Starbucks run always works. (or Chick Fil A or some place with a play area). I’m close and B is always available to babysit whilst we drink caffeine-laden drinks. 🙂

Man, I could have written this!! You are so right. It takes so much energy for me to actually go out with friends nowadays.

The last time I got an invite to hang out with them was at 10 p.m. on a TUESDAY. I’m like, “Man, we’re leaving the house at 10?! That’s what time I need to be BACK.” LOL.

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