Rainbows and Dragonflies

Archive for the ‘Personal’ Category

Thanks to everyone who has followed me through my journey as a new mom. I feel that I’ve outgrown what this blog was supposed to be so I’ve moved to a new home: So Rae…Me. Don’t worry, I’m taking all of my old posts over and there will give more insight into my life. Please join me. 🙂


Last night I had a HORRIBLE night. Gas pains were shooting through my shoulder joints, my abdomen doubled in size, and I could barely walk without feeling sick. I was having a gluten reaction. It began around 11 pm and I didn’t feel normal again until well into the morning.

6 hours after the gluten bloat began

6 hours after the bloat began

Last year, I put myself on a modified Paleo/Primal diet. I wanted to see if cutting out grains would help me lose fat. I slipped up from time to time and succumbed to my bread addiction but I noticed after each time I would get some abdominal bloating. I didn’t know what it meant but since I wasn’t supposed to be eating the bread I figured that it was my punishment. Over the next few months I treated myself like a lab rat. Trying out foods, noting reactions and researching. In the end, I concluded that the best case scenario was that I had gluten intolerance, and worst case I had celiac disease.  The next step is to talk to my doctor about my conclusions.

I try to be really careful about what I eat but sometimes, like yesterday, foods with gluten get by without me recognizing it. I never had these problems before delivery. I can remember my first reaction happening when Li’l T was about a month. I just thought it was related to the c-section and maybe my body had to work out what had been done in surgery. In the beginning the reactions were so rare that I couldn’t pinpoint it. Now, I can tell almost as soon as I eat something that I’m going to be in for a bad night.

I still love breads and pastas but now I go for potato or rice based or I skip them all together. The pain, sleepless nights and missing work just isn’t worth it.

Happy Mother's Day

Source: The Spotted Olive (http://thespottedolive.blogspot.com/)

Happy Mother’s Day! Whether you carried a child, adopted, or are filling a maternal role, this day is for you. To the mothers-in-waiting, you haven’t been forgotten and I send love to you. For those of us whose mothers have past on, hold in your hearts the memories and be comforted by them.

Every year as Mother’s Day approaches I wonder how it will feel. Will I be overwhelmed by missing my mother or will it go by uneventfully. This is my 4th Mother’s Day but my 7th without my mother. She passed away less than two months after I got married and I miss her every day. I didn’t get to tell her I was pregnant or talk to her about her experiences while she was pregnant with my sisters and I. Honestly, there are times that I feel cheated. I want to share my life with her and have those long talks that we used to have. My family says that I resemble her in looks and voice but I’m starting to forget the way she sounded and the way she moved. *sigh* I will try not to dwell on that. I will spend my day with my family and keep my eyes open for any of the signs that she usually sends me. I made a donation to NAMI in her memory and went for a run this morning. When I returned Li’l T wished me a happy birthday. Big T had him practice saying “Happy Mother’s Day” but little kids will say what they want. He tried. 🙂

Happy Mother’s Day, Momma. I love and miss you.

I’ve always been the type of person that wants to celebrate one holiday before the next. I don’t like my holidays to mesh and hate how the stores rush one without us being able to enjoy it before the next begins. I’m especially annoyed that Black Friday started early this year and Thanksgiving was a work day for many non-essential people. Instead of people spending time with family they were manning stores to sell things that could wait another day. Yes, I’m one of those people who doesn’t like Black Friday. I used to work retail and after seeing many fights and trying to protect myself from the crowds I refuse to participate. I just don’t get a thrill from the rush.

Anyway, I can tell that over the past few years consumerism has been sapping my holiday spirit. Last year I didn’t get into the holidays until Christmas Eve. *sigh* I don’t want to do that again. I want to enjoy the time with my family. So, this year we bought a tree, some decorations and I baked cookies for Big T and my friends. Christmas cards are on display, music is on repeat and we’re watching our favorite movies. Listening to my son yell “Crismah tree” is better than anything in the world and I hope that I remember it for years to come.

I wish you the most blessed time during this holiday season. Enjoy it and all of the memories that are created. Happy Holidays from my family to yours.

My name is Rae, and I have No Shame. I am the daughter of a woman who was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder. I didn’t know this officially until years later but I remember seeing self-help books near my mother’s side of the bed. I always wondered why but it was years before I heard stories of her past. My mother had a rough childhood that carried with her and at some point in time she began self-medicating. She spent time in and out of hospitals to deal with her addictions but I believe in my heart of hearts that her underlying mental illness wasn’t treated very well. At one point she was put on Lithium and I remember that she didn’t want to take it because it made her mind foggy.

My mother was my idol. She would sit up with me late at night while the house was asleep and just TALK. Anything that I could think of she would listen and make me laugh. It hurt me to my core when she wasn’t available physically or mentally. I started retreating into a shell when I got to high school and I felt like I spent more time without than with her. As a family, we found it difficult to deal with the ramifications of her habits of self-medicating. How I wish I knew then what I know now. How we ALL could have used some therapy. How if only we had been taught some ways to cope, to understand what she was going through.

She passed away in September of 2006 because of health complications. For a while I blamed that situation on me not being around more since I lived out of state. At the hospital they found drugs and alcohol in her system. Her coping mechanisms. I know now that it wasn’t anything I could control and that she lived her life the best way she could. Since, my mother’s passing I’ve decided that none of my loved ones will have to suffer in silence believeing that I don’t care. Mental Illness is a serious topic and shouldn’t be swept under the rug. If you feel that you need help, reach out and know that there are people who will support you. Please visit The Siwe Project’s website to share your story or encourage others who have shared. You can also tweet The Siwe Project at @thesiweproject on twitter with the hashtag #NoShame.

Momma and I - circa 1980

Today, would have been my mother’s 63rd birthday. She passed away 5 years ago. Almost 2 months after I got married. I am truly grateful that she was around for it. We had postponed the wedding for a year and I’m glad that we didn’t wait any longer. Some days I miss her so much that it hurts. I miss the late night talks that we used to have. Growing up, the house was always chaotic during the day. But at night we could just sit and talk. Just the two of us. She wasn’t perfect by any means but I hope that I can love Li’l T and any future kids as much as she loved me and my sisters. Happy Birthday, Momma. I love you.

“I’m a runner.” I’ve finally been able to admit that to myself. I kept saying that it was just a phase and a way to lose weight. In reality, it is now something that I love. I have days where I don’t want to run, of course, but I feel so much better when I push through.

After the 2011 Semper Fi 5k

I run roughly a 13 minute mile. I’m trying to increase my speed without injuring my knees in the process. In July, I ran the Semper Fi 5k. The Run! Geek! Run! 8k is in two weeks and the Rock ‘n’ Roll Savannah 1/2 marathon is in two months just in time for my birthday. I’m looking for a jogging stroller so I can take Li’l T out while I train. Any recs?

I like to run outside because the treadmill and track are so BORING! I need to have some scenery go by so I can take my mind off of how long I’m running. I told my dad about my runs and he let me know that my mom used to run. I nearly teared up to know that I still have that connection with her.

Lilypie Third Birthday tickers

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